Mecha Midlerby Joe Klemm[Farm Grounds] [Colonel discusses arrowheads to Dalmatian pups.] Colonel: Many years ago, the people who lived on this land made arrowheads. About twelve of them are found every month when you scouts bury bones. Lucky: Boring! [Laughter] [Pug , who is laying down on a bale of hay, hears it.] Pug: Cadet Lackey, drop and give me 32. [Pug goes back to sleep.] Colonel: Now, does anyone here know why these arrowheads are left in the dirt? Cadpig: Does it have anything to do with the way they hunted animals for their meat and clothes, unlike our next door neighbor, Cruella, who only does it for clothes? Colonel: Well that's part of the answer. I tell you what, how about you pups begin digging for arrowhead right now? [Pups begin to dig for them] Lucky: [Singing] Day is never finished. Master has me working. One day Master set me free. Rolly: What is Lucky singing about? Spot: Oh, it has something to do with the actions that happened during the time of slavery. [Finnegin, a pup who resembles a Charles Dickens character, stops digging.] Finnegin: Oh, I think I found something. [Mooch picks up arrowhead before Finnegin has a chance.] Mooch: I don't think so, you English accented pup. Lucky: Hey, give it back to him. He found it before you. Mooch: Well, I guess the only way we can settle this is by Wang Chung. Lucky: Huh? Mooch: I'll make an irritating sound, then you make an irritating sound. The first one to cry "Mercy" loses. Lucky: Okay, I'll accept that, if that's the way I can get the arrowhead back to Finnegin. Mooch: I'll go first. [Mooch makes a sound so irritating, that Lucky instantly cries "Mercy"] I didn't knew you were such a wimp. Just for that, I'll give the stupid arrowhead back to the Brit. [Mooch walks away] Cadpig: Lucky, that was nice of you to help someone. Lucky: Yeah, but Mooch embarrassed me in front of a whole group of puppies. Cadpig: Don't worry about that and continue digging. [Lucky goes back to digging.] Lucky: [Singing] Day is never finished. Master has me working. [Stops singing and digging] Hey, I found another one. Wait a second, it's only a triangle. [Lucky throws triangle away. Cadpig picks it up.] Cadpig: Just because it's not an arrowhead doesn't mean you should throw it away. Besides, it has a nice drawing on it. [Triangle glows.] Rolly: Oh papa, it glowed! Spot: Yeah, it may not be worthless after all. Lucky: Hey, give me back the triangle. Cadpig: With that attitude, no way. Lucky: Okay then, we'll Wang Chung for it. Cadpig: Lucky, you know that annoying each other with irritating sounds isn't the right way to solve a problem, unless it has to do with a bully. [Colonel walks by] Colonel: What's going on? Lucky: I've found this triangle, and Cadpig won't give it back to me. Cadpig: I will give it back when you show me the correct way. Colonel: Oh my gosh, this triangle has ancient writing on it. You pups have sure found a valuable object. Lucky: Come on, Cadpig. Let me do an irritated noise on you. [Animal News Center] [Newscaster is standing in front of a news set, with a picture of both the farm and Cadpig to his left.] Newscaster: And finally, a young pup from the Dearly Farm has discovered a remarkable artifact. Here with the story is a legless sheepdog on a donkey. [Farm Grounds] Sheepdog: The young pup by the name of Cadpig was quite surprised when she discovered it. Cadpig: Actually, my brother, Lucky, found it. However, he mistook it for a plain triangle and threw it away, but after I picked it up, it glowed and my buds were shocked. Lucky: And then, I told her, "I'm going to make a sound that will drive you crazy", but it didn't happen. However, if I did do it, then she would have cried like Elvis when he got injured at the Olympics. Cadpig: Lucky, that's not the way to get back the triangle. Lucky: Be quiet. Sheepdog: And so, it looks like Cadpig will be giving the triangle she and her brother found to science… in the future. Back to you. [Animal News Center] Newscaster: Well, those Dalmatian pups were very nice, but the one they called Lucky sure needs to calm down. Lucky: Hey! [Outside Barn] Cadpig: Now, to make sure that no one steals it and that Lucky doesn't get it before he asks for it the right way. I'll be right back. [Cadpig exits] Lucky: Hey, come back here with the triangle. Rolly: Lucky, I think Cadpig is right. You are not acting like you deserve the triangle. Spot: Yes, try to calm down a little bit. Lucky: Forget calming down, I want the triangle back! Spot: I have a bad feeling about this. [Another Part of the Farm] [Chefie, a Dalmatian pup who wears a "Kiss the Chef" apron is busy listening to the Theme to Shaft. A German shepherd comes over to him.] Jay: Are you the one they call Chefie? [Chefie turns off music.] Chefie: Yes, I'm the one. Why did you ask me…[sees Jay] Mother of Pearl, it's Jay Shepherd, the film critic who rates his films on the Laserblast system! What are you doing here? Jay: I came here as soon as I heard that one of your half siblings, Cadpig has found a valuable triangle. Chefie: Yes, it's the big story around the farm. Jay: Well, tell me if you seen Georgette Midler around here. Chefie: I haven't seen her since Hocus Pocus. Jay: Good, we still have time. Tell me, do you know where Cadpig usually hangs out? Chefie: Sure, but why do you want to go there? [Yet Another Part of the Farm] [The main pups are making a scarecrow] Rolly: I've found one of Roger's old shirts that we can use. Spot: And I found a nice hat to use. Cadpig: But what about the brain? What is a scarecrow without a brain? Spot: Oh no, Cadpig must have been watching The Wizard of Oz again. Lucky: Be careful with the clothes, we don't want Cadpig to steal them. Cadpig: Lucky, I didn't steal the triangle, you threw it away. I'll give it back to you when you act politely. Lucky: Yeah, whatever. [A helicopter comes down from the sky] Rolly: Oh no! The aliens are back! Quick, cover your open body parts. Cadpig: Rolly, there's a one in ten million chance that this is an alien. Besides, it's nothing but a normal helicopter. [The helicopter lands, and it's door opens, revealing a French poodle.] Midler: Who's the one who found the triangle. Lucky: I did ma'am. [Rolly and Spot point to Cadpig] Thanks a lot, guys. Cadpig: Actually, my brother found the triangle. I simply discovered that it was special. Midler: Do you pups know who I am? Rolly: I have no clue what-so-ever about your identity. Midler: Maybe this would help. [Midler begins to sing From a Distance. The main pups, with the exception of Cadpig cover their ears.] Lucky: Ahhhh! Cut it out! Spot: It's pure torture! Cadpig: What's wrong with it? I like it. Besides, it sounds just like the singing of Georgette Midler. Midler: That's because I am Georgette Midler. Cadpig: Oh my… I enjoy your music! Midler: That's nice, but I want to know where you found the triangle? Lucky: Actually, I found it. She was the one who took it from me. Besides, what do you want it for? Midler: Quiet, you twerp! Now, as I was saying, where's the triangle? [Officer Bradberry, a rooster who serves as officer for the farm, enters.] Officer Bradberry: What's going on around here? Midler: Nothing, I was just asking these pups something. Lucky: No she's not, she's acting like a total jerk. Officer Bradberry: Is that so? Well, you pups better get to Bark Brigade class. I'll handle her. Spot: But it's Saturday. Officer Bradberry: Then just leave the area, okay? [Main Pups leave] Midler: Do you know who I am? Officer Bradberry: Well, you're not Paula Cole, and if you're not Paula Cole, I can't let you go until I question you. Midler: Curses! [Outside Barn] [Chefie knocks on barn door, there's no answer] Chefie: I guess she's busy hanging out with her brothers and their chicken friend. Jay: Since we don't know where Cadpig is, we better locate Georgette Midler. Where can she be in this area? [Chefie thinks Cruella's house] No, I mean where would she be hiding. Chefie: I have heard she has a summer house in Grutley, yet that's just a rumor. Jay: I hope you like walking, because we are going to walk there. [Midler's Summer House] Midler: I can't believe it. I was so close to getting the other piece. However, that stupid rooster stopped me before I can find out where that little pup hid it. He must be on to me, so I better be more careful next time. [Pulls lever, revealing a triangle similar to the one Cadpig has] It's been almost ten years since I found this one. Now, I am very close to getting the other half and fulfilling my dream. [Evil laughter] [Commercial Break] [Inside Barn] [Cadpig is sleeping. A dog who is wearing burglar clothing (black sweater and mask) walks pass her and heads to an area where Cadpig keeps her stuff. Among the things she has in the area includes a Southern Belle outfit, an outfit that makes her resemble Magenta from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and a "I {heart} --->" hat. The pup sees the triangle,, which is in between the outfits and the hat and grabs it. Rolly, who was returning from having a midnight snack, walks by and recognizes the thief] Rolly: Lucky, why are up this late.? Lucky: Shhh! You'll ruin my plan. [Cadpig wakes up.] Cadpig: What's going on? Lucky: Thanks Rolly for ruining my plan. Cadpig: Lucky, why are you dressed like you're going to steal something? Lucky: I give up. [takes off mask] It seems no matter what I do, I can't get the triangle back. Cadpig: Have you ever tried asking politely for it? Lucky: No, but I guess I must do it. Cadpig, may I have the triangle back? After all, I was the one who found it. Cadpig: Well, despite the fact that you constantly bugged me for it, you can have it. After all, it is you who found it. But next time you want something, ask politely, and please don't wear that outfit during the spring. Lucky: Yeah, whatever. By the way, have you seen Chefie lately? Cadpig: No, but knowing how he's always trying to fall in love, I'm sure he's just having a night on the town. [Cadpig goes back to sleep] [Downtown Grutley] Chefie: Well we've finally made it to Grutley. Jay: Good, now we can begin our search for Georgette Midler. Chefie: Phew! My feet are tired from that walking. Mind if I sit down for a minute while you tell me why we're looking for her? Jay: All right. You know how sinister she can be in her films? Chefie: Yeah. After all, I have seen some of her 1980's films. Jay: Well, there's a good reason for this. While her father was a poodle, Midler's mother was a jackal. When she was five dog years old, she wanted to be a successful singer/actress. However, a dog year later, she added ruler of the world to the list of things she wanted to be. Chefie: I had to ask. Jay: Meanwhile, some gods heard of her evil wish and, fearing that they she will find the Diamond of Zima, split it into two triangles and hid them in two separate areas of the Earth.. However, during the shooting of Scenes from a Mall, she found the first half of the triangle. Chefie: And so you're trying to tell me that Cadpig has the second half of the triangle. Jay: Precisely, and if Midler puts the triangles together to make the Diamond of Zima, then her wish will be granted and she will become one of the most feared creatures in the world, Mecha Midler. Chefie: That doesn't sound good. [Outside of Dearly's House] Spot: Where's Cadpig? Rolly: Oh, she's busy helping Two-Tone by giving her some tips on her latest date with Mooch. It hasn't been the same since Cadpig once had the affair with him. Lucky: Anyway, now that I retained the triangle, I wonder what I am going to do with it? [A limo pulls up from the driveway] Oh no, Cruella's coming. [Midler, who is wearing a Groucho Marx disguise, appears from the limo.] Whew, for a moment, I thought it was Cruella. Midler: Oh, does anyone here seen a triangle with weird writing on it? Lucky: Yes, I have seen it. Midler: Well, I need it very badly. You see, I need it for an upcoming operation, or else I will die. Lucky: Well, I don't want to give it up. How about I Wang Chung you for it? Midler: What?! Lucky: Wang Chung. That's when I make an annoying noise, then you make one, and the first to cry, "Mercy" loses. Midler: I'll give you a lot of money for it. Lucky: Money, sure I can accept that. Rolly: It's no wonder why Midler wanted that triangle you and Cadpig found. Lucky: Actually, I found it. Cadpig found it's special powers. Midler: Who is this Midler that you guys are talking about? Spot: Georgette Midler. She is an annoying lady. Lucky: I know. Her singing sounds like Dumpling performing Celine Dion on Talent Show Night. [Midler looks mad] Rolly: Yeah, and the way she's angry reminds me of Cruella. [Midler has heard enough] Midler: Enough already! Let's discuss money inside the limo. Spot: Isn't there a rule saying that you shouldn't go in a car with strangers? Lucky: I know, but that doesn't apply when money is involved with it. Spot: I have a bad feeling about this. [Inside Barn] [Cadpig is finishing talking to Two-Tone.] Cadpig: So, as you can see, it is best that you should be yourself when you go out with Mooch tonight. Two-Tone: That's some nice advice. By the way, is that Lucky going inside that limousine? Cadpig: [seeing limo] Oh shoot. I bet he is about to get into some deep trouble. I got to go. I hope your date with Mooch turns out fine. [Made For Television Studios] [Cindy Pointer, a pointer, is in her dressing room. A shell opens, revealing two Japanese girls.] Girls: Cindy Pointer… Cindy: What is it? Girls: The second part of the Diamond of Zima has been found. Cindy: Really!?! Who found it and where? Girls: It was found by two pups named Lucky and Cadpig is a farm area outside of Grutley. Cindy: Finally. Now the plan to stop the evil known as Georgette Midler is beginning, just as the prophecy stated. [Midler's Summer House] [Midler has chained Rolly and Spot to the wall and tied Lucky to a rack.] Midler: Now, tell me where the triangle is. Lucky: Never. I found it, and you won't get your paws on it. Midler: How about this to help get the location out… [Midler pulls a lever that causes Lucky's paws to be pulled by the rack.] Spot: He's dead, I know it for sure. Lucky: Nice try, but stretching my legs will not cause me to tell you where I hid the other triangle. After all, I am a fan of Thunderbolt. Midler: Is that so? But what about this? [Midler sings The Rose. The pups yell in terror.] Rolly: Cut it out! It's giving me a premature neutering. [Downtown Grutley] [Cadpig is running when she spots Chefie and Jay.] Chefie: Cadpig, what are doing down here by yourself? Where are Lucky, Rolly, and Spot, and where's the triangle? Cadpig: I saw Lucky get in a limo, and I am sure that he, as well as the other two, are somewhere in Grutley, since that's where the limo was heading. As for the triangle, Lucky has it. [Seeing Jay] Who's that dog that you are with? Chefie: This is Jay Shepherd, the film critic who rates his film on the Laserblast system. Cadpig: Why are you guys here in the first place? Chefie: We are looking for Georgette Midler, who, if she gets her hand on the triangle you guys found, would cause deep trouble in the town. Unfortunately, we don't know where she is. We looked around the whole town, and we couldn't find a house that she lives in during the summer. Jay: Well, it looks like we have to go to plan B. Cadpig: Plan B? I didn't even know there was a plan A, unless looking around in Grutley for her house was plan A. Jay: Does any of you guys know of the band, the Antibodies. Cadpig: Kind of. What do they have to do with stopping Georgette Midler? Jay: Actually, only the lead singer, Robert Kitty, is involved in the plan. Cadpig: Robert Kitty, hmm, looks like Pug will be mad if he ever sees him. [Something causes Jay's head to ache.] Chefie: What's wrong? Jay: It's Georgette Midler. She has the triangle, two Dalmatian pups, and a chicken. Cadpig: That sounds a lot like my brothers and Spot. Jay: I know the way to the house; follow me. [Midler's Summer House] [Midler is singing The Wind Beneath My Wing. Lucky, Rolly, and Spot are screaming in agony.] Lucky: I give up. Cadpig can handle this, but I can't. Midler: Now tell me, where's the triangle? Lucky: I have it at the back of my collar. [Midler grabs the triangle out of Lucky's collar.] Midler: Finally, my life long dream has come true [She links the triangles together] All mighty Diamond of Zima, turn me into the form that I will use to take over the world. [Midler turns into a Mecha Godzilla look-alike that looks like her. She then walks away from the house.] Rolly: Man, this is really getting *beep* up right now. Hopefully, she will not go near the farm [Dearly Farm] [Midler stomps her way through the farm ground.] Colonel: Sgt. Tibs, is it just me, or is there a giant robot poodle/dinosaur walking on the field? Sgt. Tibs: It's definitely not your imagination. [Cut to commercial] [Dearly Farm] [Midler is walking around on the farm, destroying everything in her path. A akita, who is passing the farm, sees this, enters the grounds and begins singing.] Akita: [Singing] Midler Ann, Midler Ann, Thang Chung Can Nee See Do. [Ed Pig is watching all the action from his sty. Dumpling runs towards him.] Dumpling: Daddy, Georgette Midler is… Ed Pig: I know. That's why I'm sending the Bark Brigade to stop her. And to think I watched her HBO special. [Midler's Summer House] [Jay, Chefie, and Cadpig enter the room where Lucky, Rolly, and Spot are being held at.] Rolly: Oh papa! Cadpig and Chefie are here to save us, but who is that other dog with you guys. Chefie: Him? That's critic Jay Shepherd. Come on Cadpig, let's get these guys out of these chains. Jay: Oh no! Midler has connected the two triangles together! [Lucky is loose from the rack.] Lucky: Thanks, you guys. Now let's unchain the others. [Chefie and Lucky try to break the chains, but they couldn't do it.] Chefie: These chains won't break with just us pulling them. Cadpig, you need to help us. Jay: Don't worry, I'll handle this. Magic Eye Beam. [A beam comes from Jay's eyes, destroying Rolly and Spot's chains.] Cadpig: Oh no, don't tell me this is turning into a bad Japanese movie. Jay: Chefie, use my cell phone to dial Robert Kitty. Chefie: All right. [Chefie dials Robert. Scenes shift between Chefie and Robert.] Hello, is this Robert Kitty. Robert: Yes, this is Robert Kitty. What do you want? Chefie: Jay Shepherd asked me to call you and… Robert: So, Georgette Midler has gotten her hands on the triangle. Chefie: How the heck did you know that!?! Robert: I can't tell you right now. I got to get to her as soon as possible. [Dearly Farm] [Midler is rampaging through the farm, Colonel and Sgt. Tibs are standing on the roof of Colonel's train car, with some sort of water balloon launcher.] Colonel: Okay, it's time for our attack against this beast. Sgt. Tibs: Yes, sir. [The sheepdog and the cat launch water balloons at Midler, but she gets mad and pushes the device away. During this, the Akita continues to sing.] Akita: [Singing] Midler Ann, Midler Ann, Thang Chung Can Nee See Do. [Pongo and Perdita run up to the giant Midler.] Pongo: Miss Midler, I know you are busy, but can you please give us a paw print? Perdita: We would like to give it to one of our daughters for a birthday. [Midler puts a paw print on a piece of paper.] Thanks. Pongo: One more thing; please don't trash the house. We live there along with our pets. [The adult Dalmatians leave as Midler goes back to her destruction.] Pug: This is it. It looks like we're going to be goners. Good bye, Pvt. Bunny. Good bye, Cadet Tripod. Akita: [Singing] Midler Ann, Midler Ann, Thang Chung Can Nee See Do. [Jay, Chefie, and the Main Pups appear.] Jay: Midler! Your path of destruction is ending right now. Super Power Change. [Jay turns into something similar to Ultraman. Akita sings in the background.] Akita: [Singing] Jay Shepherd, Jay Shepherd, Thang Chung Can Nee See Do. Cadpig: Oh great, we got two big creatures fighting each other. What next; a person heckling this fight with two robots? [Jay and Midler fight, knocking down many things in their way. Spot, getting away from the action, runs towards a flag pole.] Spot: Get out of the way, you stupid piece of rope. [The rope goes around and Spot gets in its path.] Oh no. [Spot gets tangled with the rope and is barely misses being strangled by it.] Cadpig: Oh my God, they almost killed Spot! You bums! [Cindy flies into the farm grounds.] Chefie: Oh my… Cindy Pointer's on the farm! Cadpig: I bet she's here because of the whole Georgette Midler thing. Cindy: Has Georgette Midler gotten her hands on the other triangle? Cadpig: I knew it. Yes, Midler has connected the triangles. Cindy: Thanks. Super Turtle Change [Cindy turns in to a creature that resembles Gamera, a giant turtle in bad Japanese movies, then joins Jay's battle against Midler. The Akita sings again.] Akita: Mecha Pointer, Mecha Pointer, Thang Chung Can Nee See Do. Mecha Pointer, Mecha Pointer… [Chefie notices Akita] Chefie: Is this really necessary? Akita: Kind of. This is just like a Japanese movie. Cadpig: At least we know who's singing that catchy tune. [Cindy and Jay attack Midler. However, Midler throws Cindy out of the farm area, then knocks out Jay, turning him back to a regular German shepherd.] Chefie: That's it. We're doomed if we stay here. I suggest we get out of here as soon as possible. Rolly: Yeah, I hate Georgette Midler! Cadpig: What's wrong with Midler, other than the fact that she big and tearing up our farm? Lucky: Oh, it's just like a 1986 movie, you were told that there were no such thing as monsters, but you find out that they were wrong, right Chefie? Chefie: I believe so, and if we don't kiss this farm good bye, we're going to be stomped for |
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