DIVIDE AND CANINE.by B&M It was a lovely, peaceful, and starry night at the Dearly Farm. Roger and Anita went out for dinner. Nanny was talking to her sister on the telephone. All the farm animals were either grazing in the pasture or sound asleep in the barn. As for Pongo and Perdita, the two adult Dalmatians were snuggling together like a pair of love-sick puppies when Perdita stopped, looked around with a worried look on her face, and said, "Pongo, do you notice anything strange?" "What do you mean, Perdy?" her mate asked. "Everything is quiet tonight." "That's exactly what I mean. It means the pups are up to something. Let's go check." The two went into the barn where they found their 99 offspring watching television as usual. All 198 eyes were glued to the Public Television broadcast of "Romeo and Juliet," but they were not only disgusted by the mushy love story, but they seemed to be bored by it as well. "You have to admit, guys," said Lucky who didn't even notice his parents entering the room, ""that this story is absolutely bogus. Two families feuding with each other with one member from each side falling in love with each other? Who could possibly buy this junk? Humans might act that way, but dogs know better. Nothing could break up this family." The other pups all nodded their heads in agreement. Their parents were both surprised and proud at the same time by this little turn of events. For once, the puppies didn't believe what they saw on television, not even a TV addict like Lucky. It was no wonder that the puppies didn't believe the story. They always have been the best of friends not only with each other, but with the other animals on the farm as well. For example, when Spot the chicken once asked Rolly why he drew a line around the center of his bone, the pudgy pup broke it in two, gave her half of it, and said, "Real happiness must be shared." Meanwhile Lucky was happily giving his sister Cadpig a piggyback ride. Five minutes later, they traded places while all the other puppies joyfully played either with each other or the other animals.It seemed that the Dalmatians were destined to be all gigantic happy family until the end of time. Inside her gaudy mansion a week later, the evil Cruella De Vil was besides herself with wicked joy. "This time I have a foolproof plan to get the Dearly's farm at last," She said to her two dim-witted henchmen, Horace and Jasper, as she gave out an evil laugh. "It's an idea that even you two dolts can't possibly ruin. I'll sponser a dog show, and I'll invite Robespierre and Anita to enter one of their polka-dotted pooches. They will fight over which one to enter so badly that they will divorce and have no reason to keep the farm. They will probably even pay me to take it." The next day, she went to the farm and told them about the contest with the grand prize being $100.000.00 and a lifetime supply of kibble. "Of course, such fine hounds are sure to win the grand prize," She said as she patted both Pongo and Perdita on the heads. "It's just a shame that the rules only allow one dog per family." After Cruellla left and the Dearlys tried to decide which dog they should enter, Pongo and Perdita ran out into the barn to tell their offspring the good news. The puppies were all more than delighted to help. "All that free kibble is as good as ours," said Lucky. "After all, with all our coaching and training, Pop's a shoo-in to kick all the other dogs' butts instead of just sniffing them." "Hey, I like that!" Cadpig protested. "How do you know that Roger and Anita won't choose Mom? She has the beauty and grace to win any dog show paws down." "Calm down now, children, Perdita said. "Your father and I are entering just for the fun of it." "Your mother's right, kids," Pongo added. "We don't want any of you to take this contest too seriously. The girls can all train her while the boys can all train me. I'm sure that Roger and Anita will choose wisely when the time comes." The next few weeks were dedciated to harsh and rigorous training for the two adult dogs. Cadpig supervised her mother's trainig while personally teaching her strees release and enlightenment. Jewel coached her on style, grace, and etiquette while Two-Tone trained her on acting and beautification. Pongo and the boys were not idle either. Lucky supervised the training while teaching his father to do tricks while Tripod led him in calisthenics, and Rolly was in charge of his diet. It was a dream job to the plump pup because he always ate all of the fattening food before his father was able to get to it. The trouble reallly began when Rolly offered his mother something to eat after her training. "Don't take one bite of that, Mom, if you want to win," Cadpig ordered. She then turned to her brother and asked, "Just what do you think you're doing?" "I just thought that Mom would like some fudge after a hard day of training," he replied, but Cadpig then said suspiciously, " Oh, you do, or maybe you want to give her some fattening food to sabotage her figure for the judging." "You're not being fair, Cadpig," Perdita said. "Rolly was just trying to give a nice gesture." "Yeah, right!" Cadpig said sarcastically. "He was just doing it out of the goodness of his fat, sneaky, cheating, conniving heart." "Who are you calling fat, you runt?" he asked as he angrily prepared to leave, but he wasn't too insulted to take the fudge himself before he left. "I'm really worried about the kids," Perdy whispered to Spot a minute later. "They're taking this dog show way too seriously." "I know what you mean," answered the chicken. "They are becoming way too competitive. Just because they are puppies doesn't mean that they have to act like bird-brains if I'll pardon the expression. The next day, Pongo was jogging down the road when he tripped over Cadpig while she was meditating. He fell over on his left side when Lucky and Tripod ran over to him and asked, "Are you all right, Dad?" "I'm fine, boys!" Pongo replied as he helped himself up in time to hear Cadpig apologize for accidentlly tripping him. "Yeah, right!" replied Lucky sarcstically, to which Cadpig then replied, "As a totally enlightened dog, I will simply remain calm while I ask if you miserable slime-balls are accusing me of deliberatley tripping Daddy?" "Let's just say that you put your best foot forward," answered Lucky as all the other Dalmatians and Spot came out to see what was going on. "Usually, I'm too centered to resort to violence," Cadpig replied as she was quickly losing her temper, "but in this case, I'll make an exception by putting my best fist forward!" Lucky and Cadpig were about to go at it right there with the other pups joining in when Spot ran in between them and shouted, "Stop it! This is a fine way to act. I may be a chicken, but i'm no chicken. I'm staying right here until you pups agree to stop fighting over this stupid dog show. Can't you see that all this competitiveness is tearing your family apart?" "You're right, Spot!" said Lucky as he turned towards the girls. "I speak for all the boys when I say that we'll let our pets decide who will be in the dog show, and once he's chosen, we never want to see any of you miserable cootie colonies ever again." "And I speak for all the girls when I say that the feeling is mutual, you macho morons!" Cadpig replied as she and the girls dragged Perdita back into the barn despite her objections while all the boys dragged Pongo in the opposite direction despite his protests. Lucky then marched off to the middle of the farm with his brother Wizzer and announced, "We are dividing this farm into two halves that will seperate we boys from you dorky girls forever, and you dweeby broads better stay on your side if you know what's good for you. All right, Wizzer, mark our territory." Wizzer then lifted his left hind leg, and he drew a wet line in the sand that soon streched throughout the entire center of the farm and ended in the barn. This feud was really hard on the other animals. The puppies' loud squabbling kept them awake at night, and each side's constant spying on them to make sure that they didn't help the other side. This whole feud was driving them all insane. The feud was especially hard on Pongo and Perdita. They just didn't believe that they were barred by their own offspring from seeing their own spouses. They were both simply miserable without each other and all of their children. They wondered how one silly dog show ended up in an all-out war between the boys and the girls? It's amazing how the win-at-all-costs mentallity made them act like puppies, especially since they were puppies. The feud, however, didn't have any effect on Roger and Anita. Even though Cruella meant the dog show to break them up, they have remained just as much in love with each other as before. Although they didn't make up their minds yet as whether to enter Pongo or Perdita, it didn't mean very much to them, and neither one of them were in any big hurry to choose one, especially not Roger who was always suspicious of anything that involved Cruella De Vil. That night, Lucky noticed the Captain out on a midnight trot with four spotted paws sticking under his saddle blaket. Lucky quickly removed the blaket to find his father hiding under it. The writing was on the wall. Fed up with the feud, the farm animals all felt sorry for Pongo and Perdita and tried to reunite them in spite of their feuding offspring any way they could. Spot and the cows tried to help too. They knew the barking code was out because the pups could overhear it, so they had to disguise Perdita in order to sneak her in to see Pongo. "She'll be ready in a minute," Duchess the cow said to Spot as they waited for Perdita to don her costume from behind the stable. "Are you sure we won't get caught?" "Don't you worry about a thing," Spot answered. "Rolly's guarding Pongo tonight. I bought him off with some kibble." "Pongo and I really appreciate you guys helping us," said Perdita from behind the stable, "but you shouldn't get involved in this. Do you have any idea what the pups might do to you if they catch you helping us?" "As my cousin would say," Spot replied," 'We knew the job was dangerous when we took it.' Now let's see how you look." Out from behind the stable walked what looked like a little calf, but if anyone took a closer look at her, she looked more like a dog dressed in burlap. "That has to be the most pathetic disguise I ever saw," complained Spot. "Who could possibly be dumb enough to fall for it? By the way, would somebody please water that bush with the four spotted paws? It seems to be moving." "Relax, Spot. It's just me," Pongo said from inside his camouflage. "The Colonel and Sergeant Tibbs placed this bush disguise on me so I can sneak past the kids. What are we going to do, Perdy? This is really getting out of hand. Ever since Cruella announced that contest, family harmony around here has been as scarce as hen's teeth, if you'll pardon the expression, Spot." "I just don't know, sweetheart," his mate answered sadly. "I still can't understand how one little dog show can tear our family apart, but we must still keep it together if we are to miantain our diginity and self-respect." Spot and the cows were touched as they watched the calf kiss the bush. The next morning found Lucky and the boys in a very angry confrontation with Cadpig and the girls in the barn. "Face the facts, you wussy planets of the fleas," Cadpig said to her estranged brothers. "Mom's a much better choice to represent Dearly Farm." "Dream on, you wimps!" Lucky shouted. "Pop could mop up the floor with her any day." Pongo and Perdita tried to say something, but all the pups shouted together, "You two keep out of this!" "I am angry," admitted Cadpig, "but as a pacifist, I will not resort to violence like you cowardly boys." "Cowards, are we?" Lucky asked as he took a mustard bottle, and he squirted the contents into his sister's face. "If we're cowards, how come you're the one that's yellow?" "All right," said Cadpig as she kept her composure. "Thanks to that little joke, I'm over it now." "Your anger?" "No, my pacifism!" she said as she then decked her brother with a haymaker. Lucky then stood up, and he then started growling at Cadpig in a threatening manner with all of his brothers joining in. All the girls quickly returned the favor, and it soon developed into a full scale battle royal as the pups all fiercely fought each other as they tried to tear each other apart. Meanwhile, Cruella De Vil was looking through her telescope in her gaudy mansion at the Dearly Farm with evil glee. She was sure that her dog show has put Roger and Anita at each other's throats by now. Picking up her cassette recorder, she then said, "Memo to myself: figure out what to do with the Dearly Farm once I get it." Instead of a marriage on the rocks, however, she saw to her chagrin Roger and Anita snuggling up and just as much in love as ever. Cruella was furious. "My lovely scheme has failed, and it's all your fault!" she roared at Horace and Jasper. "How is this our fault?" asked Horace. "Because I said!" she shouted as she hit them both on the head with her purse. "I'm giving you a chance to make it up to me, however. Fur is back in fashion, and I never gave up my dream of a spotted ensemble made from genuine Dalmatian fur. Get the two adult dogs, and I'll soften their coats with my new line of shampoo. Get going, and do the job right this time." Horace and Jasper did as they were told. The puppies were too busy fighting each other to notice the dopey duet scoop up their parents in a pair of sacks. They both quickly tied up the sacks and began running. Spot didn't fail to notice the abduction, however, and she ran towards the fighting pups as fast as her drumsticks can carry her. "Stop fighting right now!" she shouted. "While you guys were tearing each other to bits, Cruella's two goons nabbed your folks!" The pups qucikly stopped fighting and all said in unison, "Cruella has Mom and Pop?" Immediately the pups then stampeded to the rescue while they trampled over Spot in the process. "Come on, everybody!" shouted Lucky. "One for all..." "...And all for one!" added Cadpig. "Come on, Spot!" scolded Two-tone as she peeled the flattened chicken off of the ground. "Everyone means you too!" The pups all soon caught up with Horace and Jasper, and they all attacked them like nobody's business. Both Lucky and Cadpig bit into each of Horace's legs while Rolly and Two-Tone bit into each of Jasper's. Wizzer then did his duty on each one of Cruella's henchmen's legs as soon as his siblings let go of them. Spot then flew up to them, and she pecked them both in the eyes. Meanwhile, Penny and Tripod took advantage of the confusion to bite open large holes in the two sacks. Pongo and Perdita then slid out of the holes, and they ran towards the farm with Spot and their 99 offspring close behind them. Back at the farm, Pongo was busy scolding his puppies. "I hope you kids are proud of yourselves," he said. "Because of your bickering, you almost lost me and your mother. See how the desire to win at all costs can break up a family?" 'It was worse than that," added Cadpig. "For a moment,we were actually there. We're sorry that we bickered with you boys, Lucky." "We're sorry too," replied Lucky. "All right, everyone. Group hug!" All 99 pups and Spot then came together in one mass embrace. "How touching," said Pongo. "You kids will have at least a month to reconcile with each other because that's how long you're all grounded." "That's all right, Dad," said Lucky. "I don't want to enter you in the dog show anymore anyway. I speak for all the boys when I say we are throwing all our support behind Mom." "But Lucky," Cadpig protested, "we girls feel that Daddy should be in the dog show since we were planning on pulling out Mom." "We wouldn't dream of it," replied Lucky. "We were in the wrong. Besides, Mom has the grace and beauty to win." "But Daddy has brains and style. He deserves to represent us." "Forget it," said Lucky as he was losing his temper. "Dad is out!" "And I say he's in!" shouted Cadpig as she got angry too. "Out!" "In!" "Out!" shouted all of the boys. "In!" shouted all of the girls. "That bickering is music to my ears," said Perdita. "Thank God that we're a family again," added Pongo as he and his wife began to snuggle. "Out!" shouted the boys. "In" shouted the girls. "So do you think that we should tell them that Cruella canceled the dog show?" Spot asked Pongo and Perdy. "Nah!" the two adult Dalmatians laughed. THE END. Dedicated to Jill, Mark, Craig, and Sharona.
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