Sunday must have been Marc Bulger impersonation day at the Edward Jones Dome, because every one of the attending “Ram-fans” in the stadium did their best impression of either him and his stone-faced demeanor or a catatonic door knob.

It was hard to tell the difference.

The team on the other hand was easy to distinguish as they had doorknob written all over their faces – as in dead as a door knob and locked from the outside across the path to the playoffs.

Judging from the evidence on Patti’s giant television screen, there doesn’t seem to be any love in St. Louis for the Rams or football in general as what people were in the stadium looked like beaten-down hostages after two days of negotiations.

When you have the worst team in the league in town for the sheer purpose of providing the easiest possible way to keep up the cruel sick joke of a playoff hope, you should at least take the crust of bread.

But the Rams will not be outdone in their futility, oh no. Instead of that, they provided a feast for their guests, giving them their own pink tacos and generally treating them like royalty handing the ball over four times and their collective manhood much more than that. Even Edgerrin James got over a hundred yards rushing, and he spent most of the game on the sidelines with his spurned lover Dennis Green. (Maybe that’s not true, but you couldn’t tell by the dysfunctional looking scowls on their faces when they came within twenty feet of each other. At least there was something interesting to watch.

We didn’t even get the pleasure of seeing Coach Green melt down, which is something I always look forward to when being forced to watch a sorry Cardinal game.

But today the Rams were the Cardinals, and I was an alcoholic.

It’s so sad to see an adopted child suffer, and the ten-year transplanted Rams franchise is being abused from every side.

Maybe they can move out and come to where they should have went to in the first place.

Right here in Portland with those who truly love them no matter how much they suck, no matter how ugly they are, and no matter how many times they prove they are incompetent losers.

We always love them.

GO RAMS!

~Mark Adams/The WatchDog~