More City Boy News
I know exactly where some of those straight up and straight down amusement
park rides came from. I was there when it was invented, but do you think I'd
get any credit or any of the royalties?
Heck no.
City Boy gets all the accolades and all the money, the ungrateful little ...
Anyway, this Baker Clan member hails from the heart of Yankee country,
Boston. When he was a young'un, his parents decided he needed a dose of
Country every now and then, whereupon he would be placed on a plane, shipped
to Atlanta and relatives there would haul him Southward to the Baker Clan
home grounds. Despite our best efforts, he remains a yankee and when down
here, insists on remaining inside and well away from most of his cousins of
the same age.
One summer the young'uns decided to dismantle an old fireplace and chimney
sitting in the middle of a cow pasture. City Boy and another cousin climbed
to the top and began to throw bricks down. The bricks exploded when they hit
the dirt. As we planned to explode the bricks, but not right then and not
right there (the statute of limitations has long since expired, I hope),
this brick removal method was halted.
Some quick thinking resulted in a No. 2 washtub, stout rope and large pulley
arrangement to lower the bricks down from the chimney. After removing about
5 feet of bricks, City Boy announced he was tired and wanted come down.
It took several of us on the ground holding the rope to prevent the loaded
tub of bricks from rocketing down and crashing. This scene had not escaped
the mental prowess of City Boy.
"See ya," City Boy said to the other cousin as he grabbed the rope and
stepped off the chimney.
We had nearly emptied the tub.
City Boy came screaming down the side of the chimney to land in a heap on
the pile of unloaded bricks. The washtub shot to the top. The cousin at
chimney top, ignoring the screams of the Bostonian cousin as we all did,
pushed a double-armload of bricks off the chimney into the wastub.
City Boy shot to the top of the chimney again. His screams of surprise at
being rocketed to the top of the chimney were interrupted by screams of pain
as his fingers jammed into the pulley wheel. City Boy jerked his hand back
and shoved them in his mouth.
"I swear, he gets to have all the fun. I wanna ride next," announced one
cousin staring up at City Boy.
We dumped the tub of bricks out. The tub flew up.
City Boy banged his head on the washtub as it and he passed midway up. City
Boy's landing was cushioned slightly as he bounced off Larry "Hawgin"
Fishbreath before ending up on the brick pile.
One hand in his mouth, moaning slightly and dazed moreso than usual, he let
go of the rope. The tub zoomed back down, slammed into City Boy. He left a
second head-shaped dent in the tub.
"HEY! Ya yankee. You done dented daddy's washtub. He's gonna kill you and
kill me," a cousin said.
Hawgin' was recovered enough now to deliver a kick to City Boy for being so
impolite as to collide with him on the last trip down.
City Boy refused to get up and the sight of blood, City Boy's blood anyway,
made us decide to take him back to the house where he could sit and whine
under and air conditioner. We dumped him in the tub and drug him across the
cow pasture to the house. His girlish shrieks of joy as he bounced across
the pasture in the washtub got even louder when our littlest cousin decided
to enjoy the ride with City Boy by sitting on his stomach.
We stayed mad at him the rest of the summer because City Boy got to wear a
neat arm cast and was permanently excused from all farm work for the
duration of the summer. And, we were told to leave the old chimney alone
until one of our dads could pull it down with a tractor and chain.
This column is copyrighted to Southern Cousins who don't hold grudges
against their really really really really rich cousins who won't share the
wealth and accountants who thereby can't recommend tax shelters.
Unauthorized forwarding, duplication or coming up with money-making ventures
that pay off and then not sharing that money with the folks who helped with
the idea will result in a No. 2 washtub of bricks being dropped on you from
the top of the chimney.